tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3557800107399006382024-03-13T04:32:48.485-07:00Womb With a ViewThis is my journey as a surrogate gestational carrier. I am a very happily married mother of two amazing children. I'm a full-time hairstylist, part time birth doula, and I am passionate about family and childbirth. Join me as I embark upon this emotional, amazing experience.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-23380265600096340912014-01-31T13:50:00.001-08:002014-01-31T13:50:49.059-08:00ReflectionsIt is the eve of the twins' first birthday and I find myself doing a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on the fact that the last year disappeared in the blink of an eye, reflecting on the changes my body has been through, reflecting on how much my own children have grown in the past year. I'm thinking of how much love two parents had inside them, waiting for the chance to meet their babies, how much they suffered, worked, prayed, paid, yearned for those two sweet babies. I am lost in thoughts of the journey we all took together.<br />
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One year ago I was at a normal checkup, happily waiting for those girls to let me know it was time, when my plans were forced into motion earlier than I wanted. I had made it to my goal date of 37 weeks, but I was feeling so great that I just wanted to keep on being pregnant and let nature take its course. Well, nature spiked my blood pressure so high that we had to help things along a little bit. Fortunately, my birth team was amazing and supportive and I was still able to give birth vaginally without pain meds. I was able to have the twins' mother there beside me when I delivered and place those sweet girls in her arms. I was able to see their father's face when he beheld his daughters for the first time. I was able to see a baby born "In the Caul" with her bag of waters still intact and hear my husband say how amazing it was. I was witness to a room full of medical professionals shocked and in awe at seeing a vaginal, twin, breech birth.<br />
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I was honored and privileged to be a vessel for two lives at the same time. I got to feel two sets of movements inside me, feel two babies fighting for space. I got to hold those precious little ones close and snuggle and kiss them and say hello in person after speaking to them through my tummy for so long. Being chosen to help this family still blows me away; I can think of nothing more overwhelming than to find the person you trust enough to carry your children. So here I am a year later still honored, still thrilled to have taken this journey. I watched a family being made! I am so happy for that family and for the years of love and joy they will have together. Happy birthday to the beautiful Ziva and Ziv and to their amazing parents.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-62997276392970897352013-02-12T11:00:00.000-08:002013-02-12T11:00:00.632-08:00Epilogue...In the days since the twins' birth, I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love and support we have received from friends and family. We have had delicious meals prepared for us, offers to help run errands, sleepovers at Nana's house and countless words of support. It has been humbling to say the least. I know we are super fortunate to have so many people who care about us and more people than I can count have followed this journey from the very beginning. My last entry for this blog is to address a specific issue that has been recurring throughout this surrogacy and has become more frequent in the last week: How I am REALLY doing with going through and entire pregnancy and not having a baby of my own.<br />
I addressed this issue early on, reassuring everyone that I wasn't going to have a hard time at the end of this pregnancy because I wasn't actually "giving up" the babies; they weren't mine. As I stated before, I get why people would be concerned and would feel the need to ask and check on me, but I've been solid in these feelings since Day 1. "But what about the hormones???" people ask. "Won't you be super hormonal and miss having a little one to bond with???". To be perfectly honest and blunt, NO. I do NOT miss having a newborn in my house. I love my children with every fiber of my being and every sleepless night and every breakdown and every pull-your-hair-out struggle was worth it because they are my heart. But I do not want to go through that again. It was gut-wrenchingly hard both times; I did not have "easy" babies :) Does that matter now-no, I would do it all over for them in a heartbeat. But the key phrase there is "for them"; for MY children. The twins are not my children.<br />
My amazingly insightful midwife Nancy and I had a great conversation the day after the birth, processing the whole experience. She told me that there were some key points during the birth experience that she was watching closely to gauge my emotional state (as is her job). The first was right after the birth, when the baby nurse was putting hospital bracelets on the babies and had one for the "mother". Not knowing the scenario, she naturally reached for my wrist to put the bracelet on and I immediately said "No, no, I'm not their mother, SHE is!" and pointed to the mom, "I'm just the surrogate!" I didn't remember that until she reminded me. The second was when I had the pleasure of handing those babies, one at a time, to their parents. Nancy told me I was beaming, smiling in adoration; but not in yearning. It felt right to pass them on, it felt good. It was the moment I have been anticipating since I met the parents, the absolute joy of giving them the gift they have been working so hard for, for so many years.<br />
Not once have I cried in sadness over the birth. Not once have I regretted my decisions. I am so, so happy to be on this end of the journey, to be done with this incredible experience. "So, REALLY, how are you doing???" I am so very ready to focus solely on my family and all the fun, exciting things we have on the horizon. I helped someone else complete their family and now I am ready to just be with mine. While I appreciate the concern (after all, those inquiring just want me to know they care) I really hope my loved ones know me enough to know that I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. I am good. I am really, really good. I am happy. I am blessed with amazing family and friends, and I thank you all for following me through this surrogacy.<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-75176821377377001722013-02-02T14:26:00.001-08:002013-02-02T14:26:57.487-08:00Down the rabbit hole: the birth of the twinsSo here it is, the final phase of this journey. I don't say the end of the journey, because the lives that were created have joined two families together forever. But it is the long-anticipated birth story of two beautiful girls, so here we go.........<br />
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Thursday January 31st I had a regular appointment scheduled with my doctor, and for some reason, I had a feeling something was going to be up. I thought it would be that my dilation had increased, but I was in for a bit of a shock. My blood pressure was elevated through the roof, past the point that the doctor felt comfortable letting me go home. I normally have low blood pressure, so for it to be that elevated was scary. Dr. Fitzhugh sent me immediately to the hospital for monitoring in the hopes that we could get it to come down, and if not, we would decide what to do from there. I wasn't happy, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, after monitoring, my blood pressure kept going higher, and my doctor decided that we had to induce. I was concerned because I knew that would make labor harder (pitocin induced contractions SUCK!) but I was still feeling like we were on the right path. Plus, I had my support team: my amazing hubby, who is a fantastic amateur doula :) and my rock star midwife Nancy. So there I was, hooked up to an IV (which I hate) with antibiotics for Group Strep B, magnesium for my blood pressure, and pitocin to induce my labor. I was already 2cm dilated so I was pretty sure that my body would take over quickly and labor would get going. And it did :) The crappy thing about being hooked to an IV during labor is that is limits your mobility, which makes labor more difficult, especially when you want to do it without pain medication. My plan was to rest as much as possible until the contractions got tough. The next time my cervix was checked, I was 5cm! Woohoo! But now I was really feeling them, so breathing techniques became important. My nurse and midwife adjusted the bed so that I was sitting upright, almost like I was on a throne, to take pressure off my back. Any time I see a woman on tv or in a movie, lying flat on her back during labor, I want to scream. It is the worst position you can be in during labor; it hurts like hell and it slows down your labor. So it was important that I be in a position where gravity could help. I was able to stand up some, but couldn't walk because the blood pressure meds make you dizzy. By now, I was fully in the throes of active labor and everyone knew it because things had gotten more serious. I was agitated by being so limited in my movements, and Russell REALLY knew it cause he knows me so well. So what does he do? Being my hubby, he suggests exactly what I needed: to get my stupid freaking clothes off :) That made a big difference because I felt so much less hindered. ( The first time I talked to the intended parents, I told the father that he probably wouldn't want to be in the delivery room with me because I prefer to labor naked :) )<br />
By this point, things were really serious and I was having some doubts. My team was so reassuring that I could do this naturally, so we kept at it. Nancy checked my dilation at this point for hopes of motivation, and we got it: I was 9cm!!! I had labored through crappy-ass pitocin contractions and was almost at the finish line. The hospital policy at this particular hospital is that all twin deliveries are done in the O.R. just in case there is an emergency and a last minute c-section has to be done. I didn't like that idea, but honestly at that point it didn't really matter to me. So they wheeled me into the OR after throwing a blanket over me (still naked!) and there was an entire surgical team over in the corner all set up "just in case". Well, we knew that baby A was in perfect position and baby B was breech, but we also knew my doctor was very skilled in turning babies AND in breech deliveries. The surgical team was on standby, "in case baby b needed a c-section". Dr. Fitzhugh's comment to them was "Why would she? She is doing just fine." As we are moving me from my bed to the surgical bed (which is nothing but a skinny metal gurney with a thin mattress) I knew I had to push. I hate the phrase "urge to push" because I just don't think it is an appropriate term: it just doesn't really describe that "unstoppable force" feeling when you need to push. So I quickly get on the table, grab my husband on one side and the nurse on the other and with the first push, baby A's head is out! Second push and she is here!!! I couldn't believe it. We knew B was breech so with the next push Dr. Fitzhugh reached up, grabbed her feet, and she was delivered feet first, with her bag of waters still intact. Absolutely amazing. Unreal that they were born 2 minutes apart, in the OR, with an entire surgical team standing there completely shocked while this crazy naked lady was hooked to an IV that did not include pain medication. I am still shocked myself. The whole labor process, from pitocin induction to delivery, was 6 hours. I was supported and surrounded by the people I wanted there: my hubby, the mother, my midwife and my doctor, plus an awesome nurse who I now adore. The dad then came in, as soon as I was covered, and I got to see these amazing people meet their daughters. I held the babies while the mother cut the cord and then passed them off to their parents. Pure and utter joy! I have never been worried that I would feel sad to hand off the babies and I truly wasn't. It felt amazing to hold and meet them, but it felt like holding my friend's babies, not my own. Despite the bright lights and cold, sterile environment, that was a room overflowing with love and excitement :)<br />
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I am honored that I was trusted enough to carry these children for people who wanted them so badly. I am thrilled that pregnancy was a great experience. I am ridiculously happy that despite circumstances, I was able to have a natural, vaginal (breech!!!) delivery. I feel blessed beyond words to have traveled this journey.<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-17905625384320103942013-01-28T11:35:00.001-08:002013-01-28T11:35:39.874-08:0037 Weeks: Goal Met!Here we are, on the eve of 37 weeks into this pregnancy! This is what I have hoped for from the beginning: full term for twins! I planned on working until they were born, however, my body had other plans. I have been really suffering with edema ( super swelling) from my knees down, most especially in my ankles and feet. Most pregnant women get swelling, and I totally had it with my previous pregnancies, but this is completely different. I've already bought new shoes in a bigger size so I wouldn't have to wear flip flops to work and to church, and they now no longer fit. I am down to my Reefs and my gray Puma's. I love both pairs of shoes, but now I can barely tie the Pumas :) If that were all, I would still be working. But I can't walk without being in pain. That really would be a problem for a hairstylist who has to be on her feet :) My midwife told me today that the only way I am going to get any relief is not just to put my feet up (trust me, I've been doing that!!!) but to get a good lymphatic massage and then stay horizontal for 48-72 hours. I have tried everything else on my own, to no avail. The good news in all of this is that I should probably stop working anyway and rest up for labor and also it means that one of the babies has dropped down into my pelvic area which is what is causing the blockage. So all in all it is a good thing; as soon as I'm not in pain :) When I wake up at night to go the bathroom (many, many times) my circulation is so poor that I can barely walk. Grrrrrrr!!!! I am looking forward to my massage today so hopefully some of this will be resolved.<br />
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I also know that the babies are coming soon. Soooo exciting!!! I'm looking at this as my body's way of telling me to slow down (so hard for me to do) and prepare to be a birth warrior! So sorry to my clients this week, but I'll see you as soon as I can.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-90897799662160598162013-01-19T15:02:00.000-08:002013-01-19T15:02:34.843-08:00Defining familyI come from what would be considered a "non-traditional" family. My mother is half Mexican, haCaucasian. My father is about as Caucasian as they come. My mom got pregnant with me in high school and dropped out to get married and take care of me at the age of 17. Fortunately, they had lots of love and support from both sides of the family, most especially my Gaga and Papa. I didn't grow up with a lot of material things, but I never knew that :) I was always with family, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. I was always surrounded by love. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my mom worked her ass off to take care of me since my dad really wasn't very involved. I always felt like she and I were a team; the two of us took care of each other. I remember getting up early with her and ironing her clothes for work while she cooked breakfast. I remember her leaving me a list of chores for the day that had BETTER be done by the time she got home. I remember her being at every. single. one. of my school activities and events, usually with snacks and treats for me and my team mates, and usually with at least one or two other family members. Everyone always knew when my family got there because my mom has the most ear-piercing whistle you have ever heard :) Cheerleading, basketball, tennis, softball, Honor Society- whatever it was, she was there. I am really thankful that my father and I have re-established our relationship since I became a parent, but for most of my life it was me and my mom taking on the world. Divorce is never easy, but it was my reality and I never felt as though I had less than someone who had their parents still together. Every family is different and I have always felt blessed to be so totally surrounded by love and support my entire life. A huge part of who I am is due to my family.<br />
One of the coolest aspects of this journey has been how my children have handled it. People ask all the time what Stella and Roy think of this adventure. My answer is always the same: they are handling it like pros. See, the thing is, kids don't know that a situation like ours is unusual or not the norm unless someone tells them that. It isn't unusual for them because they are loving, innocent, accepting little creatures. It isn't strange that mommy is helping someone else become a mommy and daddy. It isn't weird for them that there are babies in my tummy, because that is one of the things mommies do: grow babies in their belly. It isn't odd for them that the parents of these babies are Nigerian; why would that make a difference? They have plenty of friends who don't look like them, who are a different color or who speak a different language. In their minds, love is love, a good person is a good person. They have friends who have two mommies or who only have one parent. None of that is a big deal to them. That has been one of the goals Russell and I have had throughout this process: to teach them that families come in all shapes and sizes and are made in lots of different ways. In a world that is full of hate and violence and intolerance, I want them to know that there are some things more powerful than all of the negative they will encounter: love and family. If Russell and I can instill in them the confidence and self-awareness that will allow them to make good solid choices in life, the kindness to treat others fairly and the knowledge that family, biological or chosen, will always be there for them, then I will feel like a successful mother. How each person defines family may be different; I do not believe in only one approved version of what that word means. I have felt more love and support from my single mother than a lot of people who have both parents could even dream of. My wish for my children and the children I am carrying is that they always know the love of family.<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-65305316008436324132013-01-19T07:54:00.001-08:002013-01-19T07:54:28.988-08:00PreparationsI am hoping that the babies are listening to the psychic link we have and will hang out inside for another week :) That being said, I am well aware that they could be ready before then. I am not having any "symptoms" of labor, just feeling heavier and clumsier and getting tired more easily. I am supposed to be feeling those things, so it isn't bad, I'm just aware that my body is changing. I am super stoked to have made it this far, feeling this good, with twins :) My intuition is telling me that labor is coming SOON and so I now feel the need to be as prepared as I can be. My hospital bag is packed, the kids' bag is packed to stay at the sitter, my list of phone calls to make is posted, my birth ball is ready. Paperwork is done. Pedicure is done. Every time I shower, I'm shaving my legs. I know my midwife and doctor won't care, but it makes me feel prettier :) I clean the house daily ( not like that is any different than usual) so I will feel comfortable leaving on short notice, since I CANNOT leave my house if it is messy. I am envisioning the labor that I want and all the possible scenarios that could happen. I've stated before that I truly believe a huge part of labor is mental and I want to be ready for it. Until recently the babies were in the breech and transverse positions and I was doing everything I could to let myself trust that they would move into the proper positions when ready. My midwife suggested seeing a chiropractor who works with pregnant women to "open up" the pelvic area to encourage the babies to flip head down. She also suggested doing 40 pelvic tilts twice a day. I did both of those things and what do you know, both babies are now head down :) The three of us are a team, about to take a big journey together, and it is time to get prepared!Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-71821819524404539922013-01-14T05:54:00.000-08:002013-01-14T05:54:07.877-08:00Gender IssuesLet me start this by saying, if you know my grandmother, do NOT mention this blog post to her!!! For real! I know other family members will read it, and that is fine, just not my Gaga :)<br />
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I have never been a Princess girl (as most of you know) nor have I ever been one to really support gender stereotypes. I was a tomboy growing up, playing with my male cousins, wrestling, playing sports, beating the crap out of kids who picked on my cousin Jay. I didn't wear makeup until I was 26, and my mom still laughs at the fact that I am a hairstylist now. It isn't that I'm opposed to feminine things, I just don't want anyone telling me what I can and can't do because I am female.<br />
Now that I am a mother to a daughter and a son, I love seeing the differences between the two of them. Some are obviously learned behaviors and some of them are not :) Stella LOVES a twirly dress and has a few princess things (none of them from me ;) ) but she loves woodworking with Daddy, tools and superheroes. I love when she dresses up and wants to paint her nails, but I am really glad that our house isn't overrun with Barbies and Disney Princesses. I really believe that parents need to think about the messages behind the marketing that goes into "traditional" gender roles with toys. The book "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" is a great sociological, not boring, exploration into this idea.<br />
Then there is my Roy. He is such a dude it is ridiculous! He wants to beat things, smash things, throw things. He is a different superhero everyday, some that he makes up on his own. I think the only reason he isn't a total jock is because his father doesn't "do sports". That part of his education will be up to me! He LOVES helping Daddy work on the motorcycles or house projects. But oh my goodness, he loves for me to paint his nails :) I do not think that his playing dress up or admiring my outfit means anything about him or his possible sexuality. He likes to speak in a falsetto voice and say "I'm a girl!" He will put on fairy wings in a heartbeat. And he is without a doubt, super duper attached to his mommy. He tells me 100 times a day that he loves me, kisses and snuggles with me all the time, only wants mommy to get him in the mornings and tuck him in at night. He is sooooo sensitive and will tell you so. He MUST hug friends hello and goodbye. I love that my kids are not too caught up in what is for "girls vs. boys", although they will occasionally say something along those lines.<br />
I think it is my job to encourage them to have tons of creative, imaginative free play and let them express themselves however they want. I don't want to lock them into any particular role or heaven forbid for them to feel they cannot do something because of their gender. I think that by encouraging them to play how they want they will be more sure of who they are. I want to support whatever interests they have. I want my girl to play sports and my boy to bake (and they do!) And while I want them to be free to play with whatever they want, I also don't want any toys that I feel perpetuate a negative stereotype. Which means the Bratz doll that Stella received for Christmas was quickly "lost" since I don't think it is appropriate for my little girl to have a doll in leather booty shorts, platform stripper shoes and collagen injected lips with black lip liner. Fortunately, Stella had never even heard of that brand of doll and was more interested in the microphone stand that came with her so her other dolls could use it to "rock out". I would much rather own every Disney princess doll there is than to have my little girl play with a doll that looks like a hooker. ( But I also didn't want to hurt my grandmother's feelings by explaining this to her; she meant no harm and that discussion would NOT have gone well!)<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-44893761518697075922013-01-07T05:24:00.001-08:002013-01-07T05:24:19.753-08:00Faith and TrustHere we are, 34 weeks along. Looking back on it so far, it has been a journey consistently by two things: faith and trust. Part of the reason I decided to become a surrogate is because I trust my body and because I had faith that this would work. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I just felt it in my bones that I was meant to do this. I believe our society has done a grave injustice to women in regards to how we view pregnancy and birth in general, and that injustice has been challenging our trust in our bodies and how they work and in shaking our faith in the power of women. Over the course of many decades we have gone from having pregnancy be a cause for celebration to a cause for worry. A cause of joy to a cause of fear. We used to ALL be attended by knowledgable women who loved and supported us during birth and now the vast majority of us are surrounded by machines that beep and scare us. We have traveled a path from believing pregnancy and childbirth are normal and progress on their own schedule to a place where doctors tell us our bodies aren't good enough, our labors aren't progressing quickly enough, we aren't strong enough. Our faith and our trust have been put to the test and I openly rebel against that along with an ever-increasing sisterhood of women who say we will take back this process and reestablish our power.<br />
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So a few weeks ago, I had an ultrasound that showed one baby was breech and the other was transverse. My doctor/midwife combo have both had to bring up the c-section option as a topic of discussion because it is within the realm of possibility. In most cases in the birth world today, being this far along with twins who are not lined up in the most advantageous positions would call for a scheduled c-section. Some women don't even have the option of discussing this; they are just told their doctor won't "let them go" past a certain week and see what happens. Breech usually automatically equals c-section. Most ob-gyns aren't even taught how to do breech deliveries as they are considered too risky. Even though older doctors were taught how to do them routinely. Ask some older relatives and you may be surprised how many were breech babies or gave birth to breech babies as recently as the 40's and 50's. No more though. There are also many different ways to help turn a breech baby but a lot of women aren't given those options either. So since my doctor is an ob/gyn, we did have to have a discussion about a c-section. I told him emphatically that I did not want one unless there was a danger to me or the babies, and that the parents feel the same way. We also talked about how we had weeks left until I was due and that at each ultrasound the babies were both in different positions, so they were still very active and not settled in to one position yet. He agreed with me but still had to let me know that the "recommended course of action" (yes he used air quotes) at this point was to at least schedule the surgery for 37 weeks. Even though he was not pushing the issue at all, and even advised me that he did a great breech delivery, I panicked inside. He was being very judicious and laying out all the options, but just the thought that a c-section was the standard course so far before my due date freaked me out. We parted with the "wait and see" approach and both of us knew that we were on the same page with letting things happen on their own.<br />
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Then, because I was freaking out, I got on one of my birth community Facebook pages asking for advice on how to get little Miss transverse to turn. I got a couple of responses before my phone rang. It was my midwife, who point blank asked me what in the world I was doing freaking out on FB! She is a member of that group as well and she saw my post. I LOVE that she called me!!! Most ob/gyns would not have bothered. But she knew I was panicking and she called me out on it. Her words to me?? Trust in my body, trust in the babies to be in the right position when the time comes, trust her and my doctor to do everything possible to get the babies lined up right IF we needed to, trust that he did not want to do a c-section. Trust. I was in tears. She had said the magic word! She pretty much fussed at me (in a really nice way) and told me to let go of my control issues. She told me I had been so great through this whole pregnancy; why would I lose that faith now??<br />
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And this is why she is my midwife. Because she trusts me, my body, the babies; together we are a team and I am supported and surrounded by love.<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-8532664962432350562013-01-02T18:33:00.002-08:002013-01-02T18:33:55.263-08:00one vs. twoOne of the most frequently asked questions during this pregnancy has been whether or not it is different carrying twins than it was carrying one baby. There have been some major differences, but probably not what you might expect. Here are the top 3 differences in my experiences. Keep in mind that every pregnancy is different for every woman, so my experience may be really different from your own or any other woman you have known.<br />
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1. Feeling two babies move inside you is WAY different than feeling one move.<br />
These girls have stayed on opposite sides of my belly even though they have flipped all over in different positions the whole time. So I have been able to feel distinctly different types of movements from each baby. Talk about crazy!!! There is movement all the time. Baby A is much more chill than Baby B and I'm guessing that those traits will carry on after they are born.<br />
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2. The amount of food I've eaten and water I have drank has been insane.<br />
Don't get me wrong, as any pregnant woman knows, pregnancy hunger is all-consuming. I love food when I'm NOT pregnant, so holy cow, eating while pregnant is intense. But carrying twins brought that to a whole new level. Following a specific diet for multiples made me feel a lot better about how much food I wanted; it was suggested that I take in about 3,000 calories a day. Not to mention 132 oz of water a day. ( A big risk factor for premature labor is dehydration). The amount of calories suggested tapers off during the last trimester, thank goodness. Eating that much was a full time job! And it couldn't be crappy food; I could eat a few Big Mac's and be done for the day, but the point was to eat good food.<br />
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3. My weight gain and how I'm carrying.<br />
So you would think that I've gained a ton more weight since there are two babies in there, but I really haven't. Actually, the amount of weight has been about the same. In fact, and don't hate me for this, I've gone down a pants size. And that is because I already had a bit of leftover baby weight and that went straight to the babies as they started growing. Bonus for me!!! So with this pregnancy, I am literally all belly. My face has not turned into moon-pie face (yet) and when I look at pictures from my past pregnancies, I look different.<br />
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So those are the big differences, otherwise, physically I feel the same. Obviously the emotional journey is different, but that is an entry for another day.<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-36617376143278607652012-12-29T14:58:00.000-08:002012-12-29T14:58:31.081-08:00Old wives' talesHaving gone through 3 pregnancies now, I have had the privilege of hearing lots and lots of pregnancy myths and old wives tales. A lot of them have cracked me up, a few have pissed me off :) I was confronted with a classic one today, one of the most pervasive, so I just had to blog about this topic. As I was in line at the grocery store, the checkout girl (who was very sweet) had me stand back so she could see my belly and said very confidently, "Oh, you are totally having a boy!" Imagine her surprise (and my pleasure) at telling her it was actually TWO girls :) She was really nice but genuinely shocked that her prediction was wrong. It was a pleasant exchange and made me smile and remember some of the myths that people take as fact regarding pregnancy.<br />
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1. You can tell the gender by how the mom is carrying<br />
-as we have seen, this is obviously not true. Many people think if you are carrying "high" it is a girl, "low" and it is a boy. The fact is that a woman's body and uterus shape play the major role in how she is carrying.<br />
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2. If you have morning sickness it is a girl.<br />
-nope, sorry. Each pregnancy is different. Some women get sick, some don't. I have never had morning sickness (sorry, don't hate me!) so that one for sure is not the case :)<br />
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3. Cocoa butter prevents stretch marks or makes them go away.<br />
-sorry ladies, no scientific basis. You will either get them or not. But it sure does feel good to have someone else rub it on your belly!<br />
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4. You can't color your hair while pregnant.<br />
-as a stylist I say "Hush your mouth!!!" I always tell people to follow their care provider's advice, but today most of them say their is no reason to worry. Hair color doesn't get into your blood stream.<br />
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5. No sex while pregnant<br />
-now that is just plain silly.<br />
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And my very favorite one, from my dear sweet grandmother who gave birth to four girls:<br />
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6. You can't lift your arms above your head while pregnant because the cord will wrap around the baby's neck.<br />
-I laughed out loud at this one, and once I did, my grandmother laughed too. She realized how silly it sounded when I asked her how I was supposed to wash my hair for 9 months :)<br />
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So what were your favorite myths you heard while preggers???<br />
<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-52549989701845188382012-12-23T03:41:00.002-08:002012-12-23T03:41:10.131-08:00Mental preparednessSnuggling with my man last night, I was musing about how on Christmas day, I will be 32 weeks into this pregnancy. Time flies! Without a doubt, this has been my fastest pregnancy. Russell asked "Are you ready?", meaning ready for labor. And my answer was no, I'm not. I'm not "over being pregnant" and I am also not mentally ready to give birth. Which means it is time to get ready! At this point, my goal is to make it to 37 weeks, since that would be full term for these little ones. The best start I can give them in life, the better. I could easily go that long since things are going so well, but the babies could just as easily decide they are done and ready to come out before then. It is important that I trust the babies, trust my body to know when it is time. There are many people out there who think of labor as something that happens to women instead of something that we actively rejoice and revel in. Each woman's labor is different, but as a doula I strongly desire every woman to feel as though she is an active participant in her own labor. There are many things out of our hands during childbirth, but labor is about walking that fine line between control and surrender. Surrender to the biological, intuitive processes and control over the decisions we make.<br />
So it is time for me to mentally prepare for this birth. What a freaking awesome thing to get to experience the birth of twins!! I am really excited about it, and I'm sure some of you think I'm crazy for it :) How do I mentally prepare? I envision my "perfect" birth, how things would go if I could control the whole scenario. What would make me happiest, what would be best for the babies, what would make the parents happy. I frequently hear people say that all that matters is that mom and babies are safe and healthy, bottom line. And while it is true that is the ultimate goal, that is a given. Who DOESN'T want that to be the end result?? Envisioning how I want this go involves more than that because I truly believe that how a child is brought into this world influences that child and the mother for the rest of their lives. I truly do. I don't say this to say that one way is better than another, that one woman's choice or birth experience is superior to another; the last thing I want to do is judge anyone who has been through any form of childbirth. Those experiences should unite us, not be one more platform by which to judge. We deal with enough mommy guilt as it is. My point is that it is important to know that I am not having something "done" to me, I am in charge of making decisions and joyously<br />
participating in childbirth.<br />
My "perfect" birth would be a calm, spiritual experience. A vaginal birth without medication. A birth in which I feel empowered. I want the babies to be lined up in the proper position, or if they aren't, I want my doctor and midwife to be able to turn them. I want each of the babies' cords kept intact while they rest on my chest. I want the mother there to be a part of it and to cut each of her babies' cords herself. I want my labor and delivery mix playing in the background. I want my amazing husband there as my coach, looking at me with love and awe in his eyes. I want the babies to be big and strong and healthy. I want their mother to be able to nurse them as soon as possible. And I KNOW, I feel it in my soul, that the babies want this too. The parents are totally on board with all of this, and together our families believe that this is what will happen. I'm not delusional, I know that there can be circumstances that prevent this from happening. But in my experience having a clear vision of what you WANT to happen is the best way to make it happen. I have never said I'm going to "try to go natural and vaginal" but that I will go natural and vaginal. If for whatever reason that doesn't happen, so be it, I will surrender to whatever the safest way for these babies to be born is. But I am not going into it with trepidation or doubts. I am going into this with pure love, pure faith, pure trust.<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-50260423964014231272012-12-16T17:56:00.002-08:002012-12-16T17:56:42.537-08:00Cry babyI am a crier. I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm really happy. I am a sappy, sentimental person. I cried at Stella's dance recital, cried when they went to the dentist for the first time, cry in celebration of both children's birthdays every year. I cry when I look at pictures, when I reminisce, when I think of them growing up. I cried when Russell and I got married and again when we renewed our vows. I cry when I'm a jerk to my kids or my husband. I cry when I think of all the sacrifices my mom made for me. Sweet commercial on T.V.? Yep, I'm a sucker for those. My mom used to give me a hard time as a kid because there were two songs that made me cry EVERY time I heard them- and I mean just the first few notes. (Me and Little Andy by Dolly Parton and Smoky Mountain Rain by Ronnie Milsap, in case you're curious). The thing is, I HATE crying in front of people. Despite my soft gooey inside, it is vitally important to me that I keep my hard candy shell. I prefer to deal with my shit on my own. But I feel things deeply and I always have. Its one of the many reasons I feel super connected to Stella; I sense the same thing in her. If she gets upset, her immediate response is to leave the room and go deal with it on her own. Roy is no less sensitive, he just lets it all out :)<br />
So this time of year will find me carrying tissues around without fail. I LOVE the holiday season! Which means I'll be really happy and sappy, so I'll cry a lot :) Always have, always will. My mom once told me that when you stop believing in Santa, you stop getting presents. That struck a chord as a kid, as you can imagine. But as I've gotten older, the meaning of that statement, while still very significant, has shifted for me. Obviously it is easy to get caught up in the commercialism of the season, but for me the tangible gifts are not the important thing. I have always been blessed with a giving, loving family. Of course I loved the presents as a kid, but I loved the traditions more. Waking up at the crack of dawn (sorry mom), spending the day in my pj's at my grandmother's house, eating oyster stew, listening to Christmas music, putting up the tree; all of it was so full of joy and excitement. For me, the "believing in Santa" is about the magic of childhood, the joy of family, the love of something bigger than unwrapping presents.<br />
Now that I'm a mom and I'm married to a man who gets just as giddy about Christmas as I do (almost), this time of year is even better. It is true that seeing the magic of the season through the eyes of a child is amazingly sweet and exciting. I have plenty of friends who are not Christian, or don't celebrate Christmas and obviously, to each her own. I'm not the person who gets offended by someone saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. I'm also not the type to quote scripture to someone else or proclaim indignantly that "Jesus is the Reason for the Season!" Everyone's beliefs are equally important; this is not the time for judgement. My wish for everyone this season is that we all take the time to find whatever it is that is magical for us and try and pass that on to someone else. Put the cynicism on the shelf for a little while. Open your hearts, let the tears flow freely, let the love out to those around you.<br />
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P.S. Yes mom, I still cry when I hear those songs :)<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-24847243382731241542012-12-09T12:04:00.000-08:002012-12-09T12:04:17.125-08:00Birth PlanSo it is time for me to write my birth plan. For those of you not familiar with the concept, the idea is that you write out your needs, wishes, desires and preferences for how your birth will go. Granted, no one can predict exactly how labor and delivery will go, but if you have a clear idea in your head of what you want and don't want, what you will and will not accept or settle for, things can go a lot more smoothly. I always have doula clients write one and it helps us have a framework with which to work. It can cover things like music, aromatherapy, laboring positions, religious considerations and interventions.<br />
My last labor and delivery was about as smooth as they go, so I am basing a lot of my plan on that birth. But there are other people I have to think about in this one! The mom and dad add a whole new element to consider. And since they have never experienced a birth, I am absolutely in the role of educator for them. The mom will be in the delivery room with me (dad will be in the waiting room since neither of us are comfortable with him seeing my naked booty laboring all over the room), so she and I have to coordinate our visions. Granted, I am the one in labor, but they are her children, so I want her to be as involved as possible.<br />
One of the big things I've discussed with the parents is delayed cord cutting. There are many benefits to not snipping the cord right away so that the babies can continue to get the nutrient rich blood from the cord in the first few minutes of their life on the outside. So while the idea that each baby will come out and go right to the mom's waiting arms is a great one, the reality is that won't really be possible with cord still attached. That is a bit of a sensitive issue because mom and I both want babies to go to her ASAP, but we also want them to get those benefits of delayed cord cutting, which puts them on my chest before they go to her.<br />
Also, even though mom will be in the room, my primary support person is my hubby. He is an amazing birth coach and instinctively knows what I need and want in labor. We are truly a team in life, and no where is that more apparent than in labor. He is focused, sweet and nurturing, with complete and total confidence in me and my body and what I can do. It is empowering and humbling at the same time to see how he views me in labor. (Damn I got a good one!!!) So my vision of the mom's role is more on the outside with her support and encouragement.<br />
Lastly, the mom plans on taking hormones so that she can induce lactation. She really wants to nurse the babies and I am so glad she does. I think its amazing. Hopefully that will work out for her (it doesn't always) which means she can start nursing right away. Meanwhile, I will have to deal with a milk supply coming in that won't be used...ah well, that is a topic for another blog post.<br />
My ideal birth will be one that is calm and focused, unmedicated. One that results in a natural, vaginal birth with little or no intervention. I am terrified of a c-section and am thinking positive thoughts that there will be no need for one. As long as one of these girls lines up properly, we will be good to go. (There are ways to help turn the babies if both are in the breech position as we get closer to the due date) To those that are shocked that I want an unmedicated birth with twins, let me remind you: they come out sequentially, not simultaneously :)<br />
In a related issue, I was honored to be a part of a local crew of ladies that host a podcast called The Tribecast, which focuses on all things birth related. They asked me to be interviewed to tell my surrogate story and I jumped at the chance. It was an awesome experience and I am really stoked for the episode to air this week. Talking with other moms about this whole journey really brought my birth plan even more into focus for me. Shameless plug: check our their Facebook page and be ready for the episode to air Monday or Tuesday!<br />
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<br />Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-44522886062138873712012-12-03T11:52:00.003-08:002012-12-03T11:52:57.851-08:00SisterhoodYesterday was my Blessingway, which I've been looking forward to for a while now. I'm not having a baby shower, since these aren't my babies :) and I won't need any baby supplies. The Blessingway is a way for me to be surrounded by my good friends and receive their love, support and good wishes and blessings for my labor. As my friend Kelsey put it, labor is about letting go, especially for a surrogate. So my focus for this labor is to be strong physically and mentally.<br />
Yesterday was everything I wanted it to be, minus the presence of a few ladies who were unable to make it. It was a gathering of women I love and respect, all of them wise in their own ways, sharing their hopes and wishes for me for labor. It was a sisterhood (thanks Mahri, for pointing that out). We laughed a lot, cried a little, shared funny birth stories and not-so-funny birth memories too. Each friend brought me a bead (or a few) to make a necklace for me to wear from now through labor. That necklace ties us all together so I can feel their power and presence with me during birth. What a powerful thing! A circle of women coming together for a common purpose is an amazing thing. I felt honored by the words they spoke about me and I'll be carrying those notes from them with me into the delivery room. I'm sure seeing those wishes written out will be motivating, empowering and comforting. And a few of them will make me laugh too, which is ALWAYS welcome in labor :)<br />
I am truly blessed. I am so fortunate to have so many amazing women in my life. I felt their strength become a part of me as I made my necklace and bracelets today. The beads were so unique and diverse that one piece of jewelry couldn't possible suffice. Which is how I feel about my friends too; how incredible diverse they are!! I love them, with all my heart and soul. Thanks ladies, for making me feel loved and supported and so totally part of a sisterhood.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-63640418812195373132012-11-26T15:14:00.002-08:002012-11-26T15:14:41.496-08:003rd TrimesterSo here we are on the eve of Week 28 for this pregnancy. I cannot believe it. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was waiting and wondering if the embryo transfer was going to take root :) Well take root they did, and I am so happy to be carrying two healthy, active baby girls. It is kinda crazy to feel two distinct beings moving around and kicking in there! At this point I am beginning to think more and more about the labor and delivery since it is pretty doubtful that I will carry to 40 weeks. On average twins are born at 35 weeks. Of course I am hoping and praying and doing everything I can to keep these girls in there as long as possible; 37 weeks is my personal goal :) If I go that long, that only gives me about 9 weeks left. Holy frijoles!!! With that in mind, there have been a couple of things recently that have given me pause for reflection on how blessed I have been.<br />
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Thanksgiving: This has always been a great day in our family. This year was even more so. It was such a lovely, relaxing day filled with good food and awesome memories with family and friends. My family is really close and we find every excuse we can to spend time together. It makes me sad when I hear people complaining about the holidays and having to spend time with family. I am so fortunate to have an amazingly supportive family that I love with all my heart; I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. Family time is never an obligation for me, it is a pleasure. Sure things can get crazy and of course we aren't perfect, but I'd be a whole helluva lot worse off without them!<br />
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Good health: Pregnancy agrees with me. My biggest complaint throughout this pregnancy has been heartburn, which does suck but is absolutely manageable. That's it. I know so many woman who struggle during pregnancy with one issue or another and I've always been thankful that I didn't have those issues. I had my gestational diabetes test today which came back negative (yay!) so I can cross that one off the list too. The other health related blessing has been the health of my children and of the babies I'm carrying. Seriously, nothing scares me more than the thought of my babies being seriously ill. I know some strong mamas who have dealt with premature babies or babies with special needs. My respect and love for them knows no bounds. Being a mom is tough enough, then these amazing moms have the added pressure of constant worry over the health of their children. Health is one of those things a lot of us take for granted and I never want to do that. I am thankful every day of my life for my strong little monkeys.<br />
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Thank you to all of those people who have been following this journey. I appreciate your feedback and the experiences you have all shared with me. Hang on, we are in the last leg of the journey!!!Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-83076713482292442652012-11-18T15:39:00.001-08:002012-11-18T15:39:13.785-08:00TributeTwo days ago I got some terrible news. One of my dear friends from high school passed away unexpectedly, apparently from a massive heart attack at the age of 38. She is survived by two young children, a boy and a girl. Needless to say those who know and love her are all shocked and heartbroken. Christy and I met in 8th grade and bonded over sarcasm and softball and a friendship was born. We shared everything from sports to clothes to family vacations. She had the best self-deprecating sense of humor and taught me how to laugh at myself :) The past two days have been filled with memories, the kind that only girls who bond during adolescence can share. There is just something about that time in a girl's life that you never forget, and the friends you make then hold a special place in your heart forever. Christy was a smart-ass, never afraid to speak her mind. She was a goofball in the school hallway who turned into an athlete on the field. She was the person you could always count on for backup. She was the person I got busted with when I broke curfew, she was with me when I "borrowed" the car without permission. She went through the yearbook with me and circled all the pictures of the guys we thought were cute. She was a true friend, and though we haven't seen each other in person in a while, we still kept in touch, we still loved each other.<br />
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The thought that I'll never see my friend again breaks my heart. The thought that her children will never see her again destroys me. Knowing someone since the age of 13 and seeing them grow to love and marry and become a parent is an amazing thing. And I cannot wrap my brain around the idea that she is gone. Perhaps my being pregnant makes me extra sensitive to the whole circle of life theme, but I'm having a really hard time believing that as I'm pregnant and about to bring two new lives into the world, two young lives who are already here will never be the same. I'm so fortunate to have my mother in my life and I know many friends who have lost parents, including my husband. I can't begin to imagine what that feels like and how difficult it is at any age, let alone for a young child. So hold those you love close this holiday season, be thankful for them, tell them you love them, for none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.<br />
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I'll miss you Christy.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-88054227541049639102012-11-13T17:50:00.002-08:002012-11-13T17:50:59.685-08:00Meet the parentsSo last night was a big night for us: Stella and Roy meeting the twins' parents for the first time! In retrospect, I would have changed the super busy day leading up to the meeting. Stella was very sweet and excited, but Roy's excitement translated into super hyperactivity :) We met at the doctor's office for our monthly ultrasound and Stella went right to them and gave them big hugs. Roy wouldn't hug, but he talked them to death about the T-Rex he brought with him. It was a lot to ask of them to be quiet and still during the ultrasound (they did try!) so Russell took them outside to play. We found out a lot of good info during this visit. BOTH babies are now presenting breech, but they are super active so I'm not too worried about them turning to the proper position; we have plenty of time left. We also found out that each baby is just about 2 lbs already, which is fantastic. The parents also shared the names of the little ones: Charlise and Nora, which I love! Super classy and elegant.<br />
We followed up the appointment with dinner at Comfort, to introduce our new friends to a place that is a huge part of our lives. Needless to say, they loved it ;) I did have to dip out a little early with the munchkins because they had reached their limit and I had totally reached my limit with them :) Oh well, the parents got a little preview of what life will be like in the future with two kiddos. I have to say, it was a challenging night as a parent, dealing with overstimulated little ones out in two different public places; but at the same time, thats what parenting is: a challenge. Constantly. Some days are easier than others, some make you want to scream. But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I love my kids more than anything. I wouldn't trade their craziness for anything. These are the children WE made, so like it or not, they have some of our best and worst traits :) But they are MINE and I treasure them. Sometimes you need reminders of how fortunate you are, and while my kids may have been a challenge last night, all I had to do is look at those parents awaiting the birth of their children to put that in perspective.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-32802860194434424252012-11-10T12:58:00.001-08:002012-11-10T12:58:52.344-08:00Ina MayWhenever the subject of natural childbirth comes up, you can bet there will be some controversy. Unless every single woman you associate with is of the same mindset, there are bound to be differing opinions on the topic. Most of you know I am a huge proponent of midwives, doulas and natural birth (meaning vaginally, no drugs). But you may not know the woman who inspired me and indeed has inspired women all across the world. Ina May Gaskins is known as the most famous midwife in the world, and she is one of my heroes.<br />
Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that in the 1970's, Ina May and her husband Stephen helped found a commune in Tennessee called "The Farm". Among other things, The Farm became a refuge for women who wanted to have their babies on their own terms, at home, without unnecessary medical interventions. There had been an increasingly alarming rise in c-sections (which still continues to be the case today) and in fact it was considered standard practice for ALL first time mothers to have a forceps delivery. ALL first time mothers, who were basically told that their children would without a doubt have brain damage if forceps were not used. I don't know if you've ever seen forceps, but they are giant metal salad tongs used to pull a baby out by the head. So women were told that practice was safer than letting nature take its course and the mother pushing the baby out on her own. Also, men were not allowed in the delivery rooms, so the fathers were not able to be there to give support to their wives and partners when they needed them the most. Ina May and her fellow Farm members rebelled against this standard of care and together they formed a group of loving, caring midwives who listened to women and delivered their babies at home in a natural setting. They continue to do so to this day. This group of women has become so respected that mothers travel from around the country, indeed, around the world, to give birth in the most loving and respectful environment that could possible be imagined to welcome children.<br />
I know that there are times when interventions are needed in childbirth, times when those interventions help mom and baby and even save their lives. Medical science can be an amazing thing and I do NOT discount its importance. However, the USA ranks 42nd in the WORLD in terms of how often our mothers and babies survive childbirth. Other countries that we consider inferior in terms of scientific advancement consistently have better survival rates in childbirth. It goes way beyond whether labor hurts or not (it is called labor for a reason!). It goes into awful, terribly shameful losses of lives due to many factors, one of which is unnecessary interventions that snowball into dangerous scenarios for mom and baby. If you are one of the many mothers who has had a c-section, please do not think I am placing any judgement on you or saying that the birth you experienced is any less significant or miraculous than someone elses. What I am saying is that our culture has effectively brainwashed women into being afraid of labor, into not trusting their bodies, into thinking that they cannot do it without drugs and interventions and even surgery. The phrases "failure to progress", "baby too big for your pelvis", " labor has stalled", "taking too long", etc. have become words we hear and accept as scientific reasons for interventions and surgery. In response to those phrases I say "every labor has its own time frame", "my body is made to birth this baby" and "your bright lights and beeping machines have stalled my labor".<br />
I urge you, whether you have children or not, to become educated about the culture of birth in our society. After all, as Ina May says, we were all born of women. The health and well-being of our moms and children should be of concern to everyone.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-18619106011587427662012-11-04T11:58:00.001-08:002012-11-04T11:58:57.034-08:00Not mineBy far, the most frequently asked question I get about the surrogacy is "Won't it be hard for you to give them up??" I get it. I really do. Seems like a logical assumption and it is perfectly normal for someone not involved in this situation to wonder about that. We hear so much about mothers bonding with the babies in utero, how fierce the love of a mother is. And these things are true. As a mother of two, I can absolutely attest to the "mama bear" syndrome that enables most mothers to fight any and everything for the sake of their babies. That fierce protective streak seems to be an innate part of motherhood for most moms. I LOVE feeling these babies grow inside of me. I love it when they move, when they hiccup, when I get to see them in the ultrasounds. Every time I hear the heartbeats I cry. I am bonding with these babies and I love it.<br />
There is, however, a big big difference between these babies and my Stella and Roy. They aren't mine. Let me repeat that: they aren't MINE. I didn't make them. I didn't plan with my husband to create these lives. I didn't dream and hope and pray that God would bless us with these children. They are not equal parts Chas and Russell. While they are amazing miracles, they aren't mine. I firmly believe that in order to "give them up", they would have had to have been mine in the first place. And they aren't. This couple has struggled, hoped, prayed, dreamed and suffered for these children. They are 100% NOT my children. So no, I am not going to have a hard time when they are born and don't come home with me because they will be going to the parents who have worked so hard to have them. They will be exactly where they belong. I am honored to be the "sacred vessel" (sorry, silly Juno quote :) ) that is housing these little ones, but I am looking forward to the day when I can place them in the arms of their parents. So while I appreciate the concern from clients, strangers and most importantly, family members, I'm ok with this decision I made. I didn't enter into this lightly or unaware that I wouldn't be raising these children. I'm not "giving them up", I'm giving them their start in life.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-7955390734875650172012-10-29T14:39:00.000-07:002012-10-29T14:39:11.686-07:00Size does matterI'm sure some of you mamas remember the part in pregnancy when they start measuring your belly, from top to bottom. Today was the first day that the actual tape measure was used- up til now my midwife and doctor had just been eyeballing and estimating. My midwife told me a while ago that with twins one can expect to be about 4 weeks ahead with things, including appearance. Today I read that at this stage with twins the belly measurement can be 6-8 weeks ahead of a singleton pregnancy. I'll be 24 weeks tomorrow and today I measured at 31!!! Holy frijoles Batman! I had a helluva growth spurt since last month as evidenced by that measurement and the weight gain (which I will NOT divulge :) ) But unlike my previous pregnancies where I stressed over every pound I gained, I'm not sweating it with this one. Both my midwife and my doctor say I'm growing just as I should and I really have seen a difference in this pregnancy in where I am carrying the majority of the weight. The babies seem to be taking everything that I'm ingesting! I've already blogged about the special diet for multiples that I am doing my best to follow, and despite all of the calories I'm taking in I'm actually wearing a smaller size pants than I did with Stella or Roy. I don't have the round pumpkin face yet either :) I know I have a long way to go, and I'm sure things will shift at some point, but the multiples diet really appears to be working. Only a few more weeks of taking in that many calories and then I'll be scaling back for the last trimester. Size does matter in this case- the size of the babies! We want them as fat and happy as possible!Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-58578220561986637872012-10-25T17:40:00.002-07:002012-10-25T17:40:49.301-07:00MythsSince I decided to become a surrogate I've been waiting for a negative response from someone out there. Didn't know who it would be, but I was pretty sure SOMEONE would have something less than supportive to say. Fortunately (for them) if anyone has wanted to say something pessimistic, no one has said it to my face :) I am not speaking of genuine curiosity, sincere questions from people who just don't know the answers; I mean statements that immediately come off as negative. I have been so happy and pleasantly surprised with all of the outpouring of love and support I have received. And then today it happened! Not to my face, but almost as bad: to my mother. I don't think statements were actually said today, just that she told me about it today. For those of you who have not met my mom, let me just say that my feistiness came directly from her, to put it mildly. Anyone making negative comments about her only daughter is going to get an earful. That woman is 5'2" of attitude when provoked :) Damn I love her! Long story short, apparently someone has made comments to the effect that Russell and I would be "rolling in the money now" because of the surrogacy, and that some women just do this over and over again for the money. I am not sure where this person got their information from, but they are sorely mistaken. Yes, I am being compensated for this; no, we will not be wealthy. The vast majority of the money the parents are paying for this goes towards things they would be paying for if the mother were pregnant herself: lab work, medical tests, insurance, maternity clothes, doctor/hospital fees. The money I am receiving outside of those expenses mostly covers lost time from work and reimbursements for time spent doing pregnancy related appointments. In addition, we are using every penny that we are given for compensation to pay off old debt. We are not taking vacations, buying new cars, shopping or spending recklessly. Any person who thinks that this is "easy money" is completely wrong. While things have been really great for me, there is a huge level of dedication from myself and my family to make this happen. It has affected every aspect of my life. The hours spent being interviewed, analyzed, poked and prodded, quarts of blood given, shots in my ass every day for 3 months, pills taken, schedules sacrificed, uncomfortable medical procedures, hours of travel etc. truly can't be translated into a dollar amount. I am not ashamed to be receiving money for this, but let me be very clear in saying that I cannot possibly imagine anyone who would do all of this simply for the money. Will my family benefit? Absolutely. Does the couple feel like they get the better deal out of this? You bet they do. I have never claimed to be an altruistic saint; I truly believe this is a win-win situation. And no, I will not be doing this again. I believe that God prompted me to undertake this journey specifically for the couple I am working with, not to make money. Anyone who has questions is free to ask me whatever they wish, but you might want to avoid implying anything less than favorable to my mom. She will hurt you.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-82669767892728732132012-10-23T14:37:00.002-07:002012-10-23T14:37:26.086-07:00Honoring yourselfIf you haven't figured it out by now, I am a nurturer. I am a caregiver at heart; always have been. It is a trait I seem to have inherited from my mother, as she is the most giving and caring, unselfish person I have ever known. I aspire to be like her, and while I don't believe I am there yet, there is just a part of me that cannot help taking care of others. While I do see this as a strength, it can also be a weakness. I have been known to put myself on the back burner and ignore my own needs, knowing that I can always take care of myself later :) This isn't a plea for sympathy, just a statement of fact. Ask my husband, my mother, my best friend: they know that I tend to be the one who tells myself to "suck it up Buttercup" and just deal.<br />
The one time that I deviate from this practice is when I'm pregnant. Since my first pregnancy, I became awe-inspired by the power and capacity of a pregnant woman. Not all of us are crunchy-granola-earth mamas, but I have yet to meet a pregnant woman who wasn't at least at little amazed by what her body could do. Even during my first pregnancy when I was woefully under educated about the birth process, I felt powerful. My favorite t-shirt was "I can make humans; what is YOUR Superpower?" It was transformative. So I knew I needed to be good to myself, to honor my body during this time. I started a prenatal yoga class with Leslie Lytle at OmMama. Wow, what an education that was!!! I learned so much about my body and how to be good to it not only during pregnancy but during labor as well. Out of everything that I did while pregnant with Stella (and again with Roy) I feel like that class was the most helpful and good for me. Sure, diet, nutrition and rest are all super important, but I believe that nurturing my soul was more so.<br />
Here I am in pregnancy #3 and where do I find myself on Monday nights?? You got it, prenatal yoga! Leslie's class didn't work with my schedule this go round because she is quite busy with her endeavors to improve the birth community in general, so I am attending 4025 Yoga with a lovely new teacher. I am the old pro in the class; all the other moms are first timers :) I get to share wisdom that was shared with me, I get to pass on experience. I get to relax and stretch out the kinks in my body and my mind. I get some "me" time. The one bit of advice I consistently give my clients and friends when they become pregnant is to find a prenatal yoga class and MAKE the time to honor themselves. I know that this class will help me to be fulfilled and prepared for the rest of this journey.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-15727069847623542282012-10-15T11:48:00.000-07:002012-10-15T11:48:17.092-07:00My RockSo I have had lots of people ask me throughout this journey what my husband thinks of all of this. That is completely understandable, considering how much this affects him as well as me. I've told everyone that this is a family experience, not just my personal experience. Anything this monumental affects each member of my family.<br />
My husband could complain about plenty of things in this journey: having to give me shots in my backside every day for 3 months (especially since he is terrified of needles), driving me to Northern Virginia and Maryland several times, laying out his entire personal history for a psychologist, being interviewed by the agency and the prospective parents, dealing with a pregnant wife and taking over even more than his normal share of household responsibilities the further I progress in this pregnancy. But to be perfectly honest, he has not complained once. Not once. The closest he has gotten to griping about anything is after the first shot he gave me when he said "Whew, I almost passed out." The man is my rock. He has been nothing but supportive from the first time I mentioned my desire to be a surrogate. He suggested I do my research, but if it was something I wanted to do he was on board. I think there are a lot of men who would have a difficult time with the idea of their wives carrying someone else's child. But all he has said when anyone asks is how proud he is of me and how happy he is that we get to help someone else become parents. I just have to brag about him a bit because he continues to amaze me with his love, patience and dedication to our family. The last few months have been crazy busy for all of us, especially him. We are trying to put our house on the market so we can move to a better school district before Stella starts school next Fall, which means in addition to his full time job and side jobs, Russell has been working on house repairs every spare minute of the day. After work, on weekends, in between jobs. He also has the kids by himself 2 nights a week (last week 4!) on the days that I work late. He may not be the anal-retentive homemaker that I am, but our kids have been well-taken care of and our house is almost finished. I cannot thank him enough for keeping up with all of these responsibilities AND making sure he pampers me as much as possible. Whether he is making me take time to go get a massage, indulging cravings, cooking my favorite foods or bringing me flowers, that man takes great care of his family. He is my rock and I love him to pieces. I absolutely could not be doing this without him.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-45319110615160894782012-10-08T12:44:00.002-07:002012-10-08T12:44:20.248-07:00BlessingwayAs a doula, I have heard a lot about Blessingways, or Mother's Blessings, but never attended one. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, it is a tradition that originated with the Navajo. It is a gathering of women for a mother to be as she is about to embark upon her journey as a mother. Unlike modern baby showers which focus on the baby and getting lots of goodies and necessities for the little one, blessingways focus on the mother and preparing her spiritually and emotionally for labor and childbirth. A few people had asked me if I would be having a modified baby shower since I won't actually be keeping these little nuggets, and my mother has already stated that she wants to throw me a "me" shower as a celebration of this journey. Obviously, there is no need for a baby shower, but I am not opposed to my family being nice to me and buying me presents :) But that really got me thinking about preparing myself for this labor. With my own children, my mindset was totally different and I felt as though I were preparing for childbirth the whole 9 months. This situation is different and I really feel like I can benefit from a gathering of the important friends in my life, moms and non-moms, whom I admire and respect. Any woman with close girlfriends knows the support and love and good vibes that comes from a gathering of the ladies. What better way to prepare me for this journey of birthing twins than to gather some love and power from my girls?? I am so blessed to have amazing women in my life who have seen me through so many trials and adventures in my life and I really want to bring some of them together in this event. There are new friends and old, some I've met through work, some I've helped in their births, some who have simply inspired me. There are women who live too far away to be with me in person, but I know they will be there in spirit. In a time and society when I believe our sisters are so focused on Mommy Wars, judgement and tearing each other down instead of supporting us all in our individual choices and lives, what better way to show solidarity for womanhood and the miracle of childbirth than to gather amazing women together to support a sister? I am sure it will be a beautiful experience that I will remember forever.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355780010739900638.post-29226124045591256832012-10-01T09:55:00.001-07:002012-10-01T09:55:39.785-07:00Tiddles the TurtleAbout 3 weeks ago, my husband found an orange box turtle in the road and decided we could foster it for the weekend and then release it in a safe location. The kids were thrilled, especially Stella who adores any and all animals. She couldn't get enough of him, and though his name changed a few times, they decided on Tiddles. That Sunday afternoon we took him to Bryant Park near the lake to find him a good home. The kids were excited, but as we were about to let him go, Stella had a meltdown. Full on sobbing, tears streaming down her face. She did NOT want to let him go. She kept saying she was so sad and that she would miss him so much. We explained to her that he would be happier in this environment, that he needed to be outside. She understood, but that did not help the heartbreak. For about 45 mins after we left, she still sobbed. It broke my heart. I couldn't stand seeing my baby girl like that, and a part of me was pissed at Russell for even bringing the turtle home in the first place. (I'm really funny about pets, and I knew the kids would have a hard time letting go) But after the tears calmed down a bit, we could really talk to her about the whole experience. She decided to draw a picture of Tiddles so she could always remember him. That girl, much like her mama, feels things so deeply that I worry for her. She is brimming over with life and emotion; has been since she was born. I get it- I see myself in her so much. I see that one of my responsibilities with my daughter is to teach her to honor those emotions, to harness them, to accept them, to never apologize for them; just as my mother did for me. While those deep emotions can leave her vulnerable, they are also a source of strength and power and loveliness.<br />
I cannot help but wonder how she will deal with the fact that these babies are not coming home with us. She knows this, we have talked about it a lot. She and Roy each ask about the babies every day, but Stella is the one who kisses my belly twice, once for each baby. She is connecting with them. Our plan is to have her and Roy come visit at the hospital when the babies are born so that they can meet the parents and see them with the babies. I want them to have some closure and to understand that the babies are going to be with their parents. But will it be another Tiddles episode?? I don't know. What I do know is that we see this as a teachable moment for our children, a real life learning experience that they will remember forever. And if I know my baby girl, she will amaze and impress me as she always does.Chastity Hisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127264472808966503noreply@blogger.com0