Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My 10 Step Program to Becoming a Gestational Carrier

Here is a brief overview of the steps I have taken/am taking to become a surrogate:
1. Research process/companies online.
2. Fill out form for company I like, wait for initial approval.
3. Fill out LONG application. Sweat for 2 weeks waiting for a response. I hate rejection.
4. Telephone interview with very together, self-assured lawyer who (through no fault of her own) makes me feel like a complete moron.
5. Realize lawyer is awesome; own the fact that self-doubt is MY problem.
6. Face to face family sit-down with lawyer, who is the company owner. Watch my children destroy her lovely sitting room in 2.5 seconds. Send children outside with husband.
7. Submit to psychological assessment, including the MMPI (personality inventory-is mine fully stocked?) and two interviews, during which I hate the psychologist because I used to be one and think her style sucks ass. Realize later I am hypersensitive, yet psych is indeed a stuck-up biotch (husband confirms as he has worked on her appliances before). Pass assessment with flying colors and glowing reference. Shocked.
8. Interviews with prospective Intended Parents (IP's), first on phone then in person.
9. Medical phase involving lots of hormone shots to sync up my monthly cycle with egg donor.
10. Transfer of embryo-conception-knocked up!

So I'm on Step 8, about to meet the IP's face to face, to ensure this is the right match for all of us. I'm pretty sure it is. When I spoke with them, I instantly felt a connection. I really hope I get to carry their baby for them. They have tried for years on their own and have suffered miscarriages time and time again, and that breaks my heart.
The matching phase is super important, and brought up issues I had never considered until I became enmeshed in this process. Issues like how often I'm willing to try to transfer if it doesn't work the first time, who will be in the delivery room, and deeper moral issues as well. I had to do some serious soul-searching on the heavier topics and take a definitive stand on those that were deal-breakers for me. I don't intend for this blog to be a huge moral/ethical discussion, but the reality is that a surrogate has to be very clear where she stands on any issues regarding termination of a pregnancy that may be problematic for various reasons. Sometimes pregnancy can be life-threatening for the gestational carrier or there may be severe genetic complications that the couple may not be prepared to deal with. I'm not getting into my beliefs on these issues because frankly, they are private and because that is not the point of this discussion. The point is that the surrogate and the intended parents have to be in agreement with those beliefs, whatever they may be. Dude, that is heavy stuff. Regardless, the couple's beliefs match up with mine and Russell's (my awesome hubby), so it looks like its a go...
Looking forward to my face to face with this amazing couple!


  1. You are taking the necessary steps to cover yourself (personal beliefs, etc.) I will keep you & your family in my prayers. Will you explain this to your children?

  2. Yes, we are planning on being very honest with our kids, at a level that is appropriate for their ages. Thanks so much for your prayers!

  3. Chastity, you are my hero!! You are amazing and I know that you sacrifice will be a blessing to this family! Hope everything works out in the next three steps!! I look forward to hearing the rest of the story!

  4. Wow. As a husband who is starting the gc route with my wife, I just started my on blog about going through this process, but from the other side of the table. I just put out my intro post and have a draft that discusses the similar feelings that you were going through. This is one that I'll keep checking on.