Thursday, May 17, 2012

Birth Stories

I was honored and privileged tonight to speak at a event sponsored by Birth Matters called "Expecting 101". It was a workshop for expecting moms and I was invited to share my birth stories because they are so different from one another. Those of you who know these stories know that the reason I became a doula is that my first birth, while amazing and beautiful, was full of interventions that I did not necessarily want. My trust in my doctor was shattered and my path as a doula and childbirth educator was set into motion. I do not regret anything about that birth, because not only did it bring me my beautiful daughter, it educated me. It was only in hindsight that I realized how much I learned from her birth. The fact that Stella and I have a soulful connection cannot be disputed. My birth with Roy was a completely natural experience, with no drugs, no intervention. It was powerful and spiritual and beautiful and awe- inspiring.

As I was sharing these stories tonight with complete strangers (and a few friends), I was struck by how true my own words were. How absolutely transformative birth is. Regardless of how your labor and birth plays out, it is transformative. You will never be the same. You are traveling an amazingly brave, honorable tradition that our mothers before us for thousands of years have traveled. You are becoming a goddess, a life giver, a teacher, a best friend, a mentor, a fool, a big sloppy mess; you are becoming perfection and folly all woven in together. You will forever walk around with your heart on the outside of your body. You cannot explain it or put in into words in any way that will do justice to the depth of the emotions you will feel.

Knowing that I am about to be pregnant again, I cannot stand how excited I am. I am soooo happy to be able to experience this again. What an amazing birth story this will be! How will it change me? How will it color the interactions with my own children? How will it affect the mother? How will my labor go? Will it be fast like my previous births? Will the mother experience what I am feeling as she watches me in labor? Time will tell.

I love my children so much that at times it is a visceral, physical ache. I want to hold them and never let them go. I relive their births over and over again, every detail still clear and fresh in my mind. I thank my Heavenly father that he blessed me so much with amazing, healthy, strong, vivacious, funny little monkeys. And I am damn proud that another family chose me to help them experience all of these emotions.

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