Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Keeping Secrets

I had an ultrasound Friday and the parents were there to witness it :) As always, ultrasounds are super exciting and rewarding: seeing the little babies move all around and hearing their heartbeats is simply amazing. As we were waiting and chit chatting, the parents told me that they have not told ANYONE that they are expecting. No one. They even have Mom's mother (soon to be grandmother) living with them currently and she has no idea. Holy crap!!!! The grandmother knows that they have a surrogate and that things are on the right path, but no clue that there were embryos, a transfer, twins, nothing!! I cannot begin to imagine how tough that would be for me to keep my big mouth closed in that situation. But I have never been in that situation, not even close. Both times when we found out I was pregnant, I couldn't keep it a secret. With Stella, I called my mom right away. With Roy, I told my mom at Thanksgiving when I was only about 4 weeks in. Not news I could possibly keep my mom. I know a lot of people keep it a secret until the end of the first trimester "just in case", and that totally makes sense. My thought process was that if I were to suffer a miscarriage, I would want my loved ones to know what I was dealing with so I would immediately have their support. There is no right or wrong way to do it, its just whatever works for you.
This couple however, has been down this road before. Not with a surrogate, but the mother herself has suffered through countless failed attempts. Each time thinking "This is it!" and then being heartbroken when the pregnancy ended, time and time again. To be honest, I don't even know how many times because when we talked about it all she would say was that she had been through it "so many, many times." Jeeze, that breaks my heart. So when I asked if it was hard to keep this pregnancy a secret from her mother, she said "nope, not at all." Only that when they do decide to share it with her mother (who by the way has already picked out her outfit for her future grandchild's christening and planned the menu for the party) she will make her husband tell her, since she is pretty sure her mother is going to kill her :)

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