Possibilities

Motherhood is full of possibilities and unknowns. Starting with pregnancy: Will it be a boy or girl? Will she look like me? When will I go into labor? Will it be hard? Then after the precious bundle is here: Am I going to be a good mom? Is breastfeeding supposed to hurt? What school will he go to? Is he going to like sports or be a musician? All of those possibilities can instill panic in even the most stable mommy. But most of us just assume that those will be the unknowns we will have to deal with and never even consider that we may not have the opportunity. The parents of the children I am carrying have been facing much more intense questions for the last 15 years: Can I get pregnant? Why can't I? Why is this so hard? Is it my fault? Is it his fault? How much is this going to cost? What if this never works for us? Can we trust someone else to carry our baby? How will I handle a pregnancy that isn't in MY body? It is totally overwhelming to think about. Now, finally, they get to experience all the joy and mystery and wonderment that comes from being expectant parents, and I am so happy for them :) The mom and I were talking this morning about the nursery and cribs and clothes and the sheer thrill and joy of baby shopping. What a miraculous transformation their lives have taken and how much more miracles of parenthood they have in store for them!!

This made me think of a friend of mine who went through a huge transformation through her pregnancy. My dear friend Jenny used to speak about the day she would have kids and how she wanted nothing more than to just be knocked out during labor and to wake up to a perfect bundle in her arms. None of that pain and laboring and ickiness; yuck!!! Once she became pregnant, her inner earth-mama came out. She learned sooooo much about pregnancy and childbirth, doulas and midwives and actually had a completely natural experience. She then was so inspired that she became a doula. I gotta say, I was so proud. To each her own, but everyone knows I am a big proponent of natural birth and midwives, so I was ecstatic that I had helped convert someone :) Honestly, I want each mama to simply be in charge of her birth experience, whatever that means for her. Epidural in the parking lot? So be it. Homebirth in a tub? Awesome. Not sure-I'm gonna play it by ear? Cool. Each woman should know her options and the possibilities of each. But Jenny??? Jenny makes me proud.

Now here I am, immersed in possibilities. Will I be able to have a vaginal, natural birth?? I'm damn sure doing everything I can to make that happen. Will my kids love soccer and be jocks like their mom was? Will they (please oh please oh please) have the musical abilities of their father? Will we find the perfect new home for our family?? So many opportunities and unknowns, and finally I have reached a point in my life where I'm ok not knowing all the answers yet. I'm willing to let the possibilities and paths unfold.