The results are in

Finally, after beginning this process back in September, I am pregnant! So excited, so happy, so thrilled to be able to help this couple. They have suffered so much heartache and are such deserving parents. Bloodwork on Monday confirmed that my Hcg levels (the hormone that indicates pregnancy) are through the roof, which means this is a good strong start to this pregnancy. I go back Wednesday for more bloodwork to check those levels again, at which point they should have doubled. Prayers being said that they will. I feel fantastic, not sick, just a little tired. According to the nurse, I am considered 5 weeks pregnant as of Wednesday; calculating the due date is a little weird since already fertilized embryos are transfered.

I got to deliver the good news to the parents and obviously they were thrilled, almost in tears. I couldn't stop smiling and jumping around while I was talking to them :) Thank you all so much for following my journey and for all the love and support you have given me. This is such an amazing experience and I am truly blessed to be having it.

Hurry up and wait

In exactly one week I get to go have a pregnancy test (yep, more bloodwork) to determine if the embryo(s) have taken root. I am DYING of curiosity. I really really am tempted to buy a home pregnancy test just to see what it will say, but I don't want to be disappointed. It could be positive, which would be great, but what if that changes in the next week? Or it could be a false negative if enough of the pregnancy hormone didn't show up in my urine. This is why the doctor said to wait 2 weeks, so we have an accurate answer. But, as I have stated before, patience is not my strong suit. I've been behaving this week as if I know that I am pregnant: no alcohol, no caffeine, taking it easy. My best friend says she KNOWS I'm pregnant because I was extra snippy with her this week :) Could be; but I think it is more a combination of exhaustion and emotional overload. I'm excited and nervous and preoccupied. So it isn't so much the pregnancy as it is the THOUGHT of pregnancy and all it entails.  Plus my hubby and I have decided to sell our house to move to a better school district, which we never thought we'd do. Yep, we decided this the night before the embryo transfer, so I've got a lot on my mind. I tend to do better when I have about a million things going on in my life, so this isn't unusual. But combine the possibility of 2 life changing events in such a short span of time and I'm pretty sure I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve these days :) I'm a tough chick though, and I'm ready to handle it.

So Charlene, I promise, I'll be nicer to you :) I love you tons and besides my hubby, you have been my major supporter and cheerleader (ha!) this past year. When push comes to shove, we've always got each other's backs. Now if I can just make it through this week of waiting!!!

Transfer Complete

Today was a big day. For those who are interested, here is a step by step explanation of the process.

I was told to arrive with a "moderately full" bladder because it helps with the procedure. As I have to pee every 30 minutes anyway, that was not a problem. After taking my blood pressure, the doctor placed the image of my uterus on a screen so we could watch the procedure. On a second screen, there was a picture of the two embryos, just for inspiration sake :) Next, a catheter was inserted into my uterus and the nurse brought in the actual embryos in a tiny syringe. They were then injected into the catheter tip (ha! just the tip) and implanted into the uterine wall. That part was super cool, because although the embryos are too small to see on the screen, you could see the actual liquid they were resting in at the exact moment of implantation. Soooo cool! Then I just had to rest for 5 minutes and then go pee (finally). That was it. The mom and dad were in the room with me for the transfer; Russell had to wait outside :( The parents were also given a picture of the embryos, which I thought was amazingly sweet and thoughtful. For the next 24 hours, I have to rest and take it easy. After about 4 days, I can return to normal activity. I feel great, just a little tired. And in 2 weeks, I go in for bloodwork to determine if I'm actually pregnant. Eeeee!!!! Thank you for all of your support and prayers and love; I think that sort of thing helps. I'll keep posting...

Embryo transfer eve...

I am all aflutter with nerves and anticipation and excitement for the embryo transfer tomorrow.  Sometimes I felt like this moment would never get here! Now as I'm about to go through with it, it is a little surreal. But amazing. I'm feeling a little emotional as my babies are crawling all over me and giving me kisses and snuggles; because it makes me happy when they do that and also because I'm thinking of the mom and dad whose journey into parenthood could truly begin tomorrow. What a crazy thing to KNOW the exact moment that pregnancy begins! When Russell and I were trying to have our babies, we were super lucky and got pregnant the first month we started-both times. And we have a pretty good idea of when each of those pregnancies happened :) But to know that tomorrow at 9:15am two embryos will be implanted with very high hopes is a little trippy. I am feeling really confident and feel certain that my prayers will be answered, but there is a bit of pressure as well. This couple has had so much heartbreak, so many losses that I am really hoping that this works the first time. I'll post tomorrow about how it goes...

The Final Countdown

Well, here we are, one week away from the proposed embryo transfer date. I can't believe it! This next week is really pivotal. I have had my final clearance to be ready to receive the embryos, but we are waiting (quite anxiously I might add) to make sure the eggs are ready to be retrieved. This depends on the egg donor's response to the latest round of hormones. If all goes well and her hormone levels check out, the eggs will be retrieved on Friday and fertilized. Then they gestate and if they do what they are supposed to do, Monday they will be transferred to my uterus. Once the eggs are taken from the donor, I will be notified so I can start the last of the hormones I have to take, Progesterone. This one I have to take via intramuscular injection (in the booty) every day in addition to the Delestrogen I currently take every 3rd day. (By the way, I am starting to get tiny little bruises at the injection site each time I get a shot. Oh well, at least no one except the hubby is seeing them :) ) Hoping everything goes according to schedule! Weird and exciting to think that Monday I could be pregnant; I mean, I've never known the exact day I was going to be pregnant before.

I have a big night out planned for Saturday as a last hurrah before I am unable to enjoy my wine :) I want to go out with my friends in celebration of the momentous change that is about to occur in our lives. It is a celebration of hope and friends and love, of relationships that already exist and of those to come. Feel free to join us :)

Thankful

So tomorrow is Memorial Day, and that always makes me think of my father-in-law, whom I have never met. He passed away when Russell was in high school. And Father's Day is coming up, which of course makes me think of my amazing husband and what an awesome father he is. So those things coupled together, make me super appreciative of my blessings. I am so, so, so fortunate to have my husband. He has been greatly influenced by his father and I remember when we were dating he told me that as a kid, one of his dreams was to be a dad, because his dad was so great. Seriously, how cool is that??!! As a kid, he dreamed of being a dad; boy did I luck out. He has completely embraced fatherhood like he was born to do it. He will take on challenges that I shy away from with the kids, taking them places that I avoid. He will be endlessly patient. He loves things like looking at the kids ears and how cute they are. He teaches the kids to make "metal face" when they listen to heavy metal music. He cooks with them. He cuddles, he disciplines, he wants to take road trips. I am blessed.
Thinking of the embryo transfer coming up in 2 weeks (yay!!!) I am so happy that I have my husband to support me. He is TERRIFIED of needles, yet he has been skillfully injecting me with hormones throughout this process. He is very protective and territorial with me ( hehehehee) and yet he is completely comfortable with me carrying someone else's child. How amazing is this man? Yes, at this point, I am just bragging, but holy crap, not every man would be cool with this scenario.
I just wanted to give a shout out to my best friend, my love, my support system, my amazing man. Memorial day makes me yearn for the relationship with the father-in-law I never met, simply because I know how much of an influence he had on Russell's life. I know that he would be proud, supremely proud of his son. As am I.

Birth Stories: How Stella and Roy came to be

Since my talk the other night at Expecting 101, I've been thinking so much about my birth stories. I had a request to share them, so here we go...

Stella Elayne
My entire pregnancy with Stella was amazing. I never got sick and felt great pretty much the whole time. Other than heartburn, which I had never had before in my life, I was really blessed to have an "uneventful" pregnancy. I was under the care of the same ob/gyn I had been seeing for 10 years and felt really comfortable with her. I didn't take any birthing classes; instead, I focused on what to do with the baby once she got here. Newborn care, breastfeeding, baby safety- all over that stuff. Labor? Delivery? Totally uneducated. I was under the assumption that labor will hurt, I'll take it as long as possible and then I'll get an epidural. The only thing I was scared of was an episiotomy. I discussed this with my doctor and she said what I now know is standard doctor B.S. "I'd rather have a controlled cut than an uncontrolled tear". Eek, that sounded like it made sense (oh woefully ignorant me!!!)
At my 39 week checkup, I was 3cm dilated and almost 100% effaced. My doctor suggested we induce next week, since my body was obviously ready. Great! Sounds good to me! I want to see my baby! I had no idea what that entailed or that since there was no medical reason for induction that it could cause complications. So I agreed and one week later, the day before my due date, I arrived at the hospital at 7:00am. I was so excited!!! A doctor I didn't know came in and broke my water. I was hooked up to a pitocin drip, which meant I couldn't get out of bed. I started feeling contractions and pretty quickly they really started to hurt. I was 5cm at this point and I was offered and accepted an epidural. That meant I needed a catheter too, because once the drugs kicked in, I felt nothing from the waist down. Nothing. They had to roll me from side to side every so often so the epidural would distribute evenly through my body. At 3:00pm, I was 10 cm and ready to push. Finally saw my doctor for the first time just as I was starting to push. She pulled over a tray of medical instruments, including a scalpel, and said she wanted to go ahead and do a "small incision". I freaked out and asked why, what was wrong?? She told me nothing, we just wanted to go ahead and "help this big baby out". I looked and Russell and he reminded me that I said I didn't want it, but now I was scared and feeling very vulnerable, so I agreed.
Stella was born at 3:42, 8lbs 1oz, 21inches long.
She stopped breathing the first night she was alive, while she was in the nursery away from me. I wasn't told until the next morning. The nurses did not honor my wishes to bring her to me every 2 hours to breastfeed. We had to spend an extra day in the hospital because of her breathing issue that first night. I never saw my doctor again the entire time we were there; I only saw her at my 6 week checkup. My healing from the cut was awful and I couldn't sit comfortably for 6 weeks. I told myself that if I had another child, it would be totally different. I would be more in control, more educated and I would NOT have any drugs in my system that might make my baby stop breathing. I learned about my options and I became a doula so that I could help other women learn about theirs.

James Roy:
With Roy, I also had a great pregnancy, just like Stella's. But this time I was working with a midwife and was planning a natural childbirth. I went into labor 2 days after my due date, at 5:00am. We had a normal couple of hours at home, calling people and taking Stella to daycare. By 8:00, I my contractions were 5 mins apart and coming on strong. I called the midwife and we got to the hospital at 9:00. I was contracting strongly, but in really good spirits. In fact, the nurse checking me in didn't think I was really in labor because I wasn't freaking out. My midwife checked my progress and I was 8cm!! (Told ya so Miss Nurse!) I labored in several positions, moving around and finding what worked best for me. My husband and mother were my "doulas" and were amazingly supportive. Around 10:30, I was laboring in the tub and it was amazingly helpful. I felt the really strong urge to push, so Nicole checked me again and I was 10cm, ready to go. I got out of the tub and pushed in several different positions until I found the right one (lying on my side, propped up). My water broke on its own with a really strong push. My support team had stopped laughing and joking, and the mood was really intense at this point, which is NOT what I wanted. After a big push, I asked Nicole if it was too late for the epidural, just to ease the tension. She said "You are NOT telling jokes in the middle of pushing!!!" Why yes, yes I was. (See, natural doesn't have to be excrutiating and no fun!) 10 minutes later, at 12:01pm, I reached down and helped pull out my son. He went straight to my chest, and never left my side. He didn't go to the nursery for anything; everything was done right there in the room with me. He started nursing 15 mins after he was born, and about an hour after giving birth I was up and moving around, feeling no pain. Absolutely none. It was amazing and powerful and so, so right. Roy was 8lbs, 13 oz, 21inches long. And no, I did not tear nor did I need a "cut". My midwife had this amazing new technological intervention called "olive oil" that she massaged me with to prevent that tear from happening. Much better than a tray of surgical instruments.


So there you go; the two different stories of my babies births. Neither better in terms of importance, but absolutely different in terms of who was in charge of my birth experiences.