Surrogacy for a different reason

Some of you may know who Guiliana and Bill Rancic are because of their reality T.V. show; some of you may not. I'm a fan, and I've watched their show for a while now. They have struggled with fertility issues for a long time and recently discovered in addition to fertility problems, Guiliana has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She elected to have a double mastectomy. Due to all of her health issues, they decided to use a gestational carrier and have announced that they are indeed, finally, pregnant through a surrogate :) I am sooooo happy for them and so astounded at their very public sharing of these deeply personal struggles. I'm hoping that putting a "celebrity face" on this issue will increase awareness and sensitivity to the fertility issues that so many people deal with on a daily basis.
Watching the implantation on their show brought tears to my eyes, and seeing the reaction of each of them when they found out the gestational carrier was pregnant was incredible. I just received notice that I have been synced up with the egg donor's cycle and that I will be receiving a schedule soon as to how the implantation phase will proceed. I will start on hormones again and very soon, will be going to the fertility clinic for the embryo transfer. Holy crap, I get to (hopefully) help make this couple's dream come true.

Questions

So while we are in this holding pattern, waiting for my cycle to be synced up with the egg donor, I thought I would reflect back on some of the questions I've been getting from people about this whole surrogacy thing. Some have been funny, some personal, some I don't know the answer to. These are the ones I've had most frequently.

1. Won't it be hard to give up the baby?
Without a doubt, the most frequently asked question. Also very understandable. And yes, I am sure that there will be sadness when I'm done with a pregnancy and won't bring a baby home from the hospital. However, the absolute joy I will feel at seeing the parents with the child they have struggled for almost 15 years to have will eclipse any wistfulness on my part. There is just no comparison. Also, every step along the way of this process it is very clear and obvious that it is NOT my baby. When I was pregnant with Stella and Roy, every waking moment was occupied with the thought of how Russell and I had created a child that was 1/2 him and 1/2 me. This scenario is totally different. I am carrying a child for someone else, so while of course there will be attachment, it just is not the same.

2. What do your kids think/What have you told your kids?
At their ages, our kids' level of understanding blows me away. We really talk to our kids, have open discussions about everything. We don't use silly words for their genitals, we don't baby talk, we don't lie (Santa and the Easter Bunny being the exceptions :) ) and we try not to avoid questions. They know what is happening and understand that mommy will carry a baby in her belly for another mommy and daddy who can't have kids. Stella has already asked where the baby will come out; and truly empathized when I explained it would come out of my vagina. "No!!!! That will hurt your vagina! I don't want your vagina to hurt!!" Roy is only 2 1/2, so he isn't asking the same questions, but I'm ready for him to do so as the pregnancy progresses.

3. Why??? Why would you "go through" pregnancy for someone else?
First, because I truly believe God put me on this path specifically to meet these parents. I believe that it is a calling for me, that our lives have come together to help them have a child. Also, I don't "go through" pregnancy, I LOVE it :)

4. Do you get paid?
Yep. There is compensation involved, but it is a total secondary reason for being a surrogate. I don't feel like I'm "selling" a child or my body. I feel as though I am blessed to handle pregnancy really well; the intended mom is not. The parents want to help my family for the sacrifices we are making in order to help them, because no matter how much I love growing a life inside me, it is still a sacrifice of time, health, social life, work life, family life.

5. Would you do this again?
I have signed on for three attempts at embryo transfer. If it doesn't work the first time, I will try twice more. Will I do this for another couple? Nope. I'm not getting any younger! Also, as I stated earlier, I really believe I was meant to meet this particular couple. My uterus will officially retire after this one :)

I'm sure there will be lots and lots more questions through the pregnancy, and thats fine with me. I'm not shy, I'm not too reserved, and I like to talk. I'm hoping I can help educate people to the issues of infertility and surrogacy.

Final Countdown

Finally, the last medical test has been completed. Had to go for one last round of bloodwork Monday and the results came back in our favor. Which means, according to the fertility doctor, that we are cleared for takeoff whenever my cycle is synced up with the egg donor. The earliest would be in one month, but more than likely it will take a couple of months of hormones (oral and injectable) to get us on the same groove. I have to be at the correct point in my cycle for my body to accept the egg from the donor, and that is a very small window of opportunity.
The 38 page contract has been signed and notarized.
I am working out like crazy to get in the best shape possible for this 37 year old body to be prepared for a third pregnancy.
My kids have decided that they want to name the baby "Giggles". I told them it was really up to the parents, but we could call the baby Giggles while it is in my tummy.
I've been taking prenatal vitamins since January so I would have the right amount of folic acid in my system for whenever I get preggers.
I find myself looking at maternity clothes and deciding where I want to take prenatal yoga, which is a must.
I am ready.

Hormones and needles and ice packs, oh my...

Just about to wrap up my two weeks of trial hormone shots, and so far, so good. Having my needle-phobic husband only get nauseous once during this whole time has been a major accomplishment. Let me walk you through the process.
First, hubby has to draw up the correct amount of Delestrogen with one needle, cap it off, then put a MUCH bigger needle on the syringe. While he is doing this, I'm laying on my tummy with an Elmo ice pack on my bum to numb the area up a bit. After about 3 minutes, he counts down, I turn my toes inward, and he injects me. Much to my surprise, the Elmo ice pack really works. I haven't felt any of the shots, despite the size of the giant needle. The only effects have been tiny bruises at the injection site. We switch cheeks each time to give each side a break, but I still look like I have a polka-dotted booty.
The very first time we did this, I'm pretty sure Russell was terrified. After I told him I truly didn't feel a thing, he confessed that he almost passed out. Really glad he didn't do that while poking me with a needle. So we only have one more shot to go before I go in to the doctor to have an ultrasound and bloodwork. We have to check to make sure my uterus has responded properly and thickened up the appropriate amount. The whole point is to make sure that my body does what it would do if my own egg was about to implant itself in the uterine wall. So once again, my uterus is in the spotlight :) I'll keep you posted...

Crying

Those close to me know that I am a total sentimental basketcase. I get weepy over my children's accomplishments, sweet moments, even dental appointments. Outside of sentimentality, I don't cry. My default reaction if something is painful or bothersome is "suck it up, Buttercup". Today was an exception to that rule.
I had an HSG screening today, which is another test to make sure my lady parts are working the way they should before we implant the embryo. Since I had a similar screening a couple of weeks ago, I wasn't too concerned. I'll spare you the graphic details, but basically it involves filling my uterus with dye and taking x-rays after administering a numbing medication via needle. Yep, a needle near the lady parts. Not a good thing, but not the worst part of the procedure, which is mercifully short. Before the procedure, the doctor explained everything and told me I would experience cramping and bleeding off and on all day. No biggie, I thought. They said that with the last procedure and it was a piece of cake. Not so this time. Everyone experiences this in a different way, but for me, it was extremely uncomfortable. More cramping than I have ever experienced in my life, 10 times worse than any period. It brought tears to my eyes. And at that moment, a question the nurse had asked me before the procedure began popped back into my head. "Have you ever had this done before?" My answer was no, but at the moment I started crying I remembered that the intended Mother has been through this SEVERAL times. Each time in the hopes that this would be the time she would get pregnant and stay pregnant. So yes, I cried because it hurt like hell, but I also cried for her. I cried for the blessing that is my healthy body, the blessings that are my children, the unexpected blessing that allowed my husband to be there with me last minute.
The test went perfectly. My uterus, once again, passed with flying colors. All of you moms reading this, however your motherhood status was achieved, bless you. And if you know anyone who has been through struggles with fertility issues, give them a high five and a chest bump. They deserve it.

Mock Embryo Transfer

After my first visit to the fertility clinic, I have even more respect and admiration for those struggling with fertility issues. This has really been an eye-opening day, even for one who has been doing research on the subject. Looking around the waiting room at all of the people waiting, hoping for good news, dealing with their individual struggles just broke my heart and strengthened my resolve to help in the only way that I can. The clients were from varied races and ethnicities, appeared to be from many different walks of life and of different ages. Some were there alone, some with significant others, some with children. All I could think of was how truly blessed Russell and I have been. Our beautiful babies entered our lives easily, from conception through delivery. We didn't have to have tests, bloodwork, questions, doubts, tragedies, heartache. We didn't have to have someone tell us what was wrong, who the fault lay with, what our odds were, how we could best increase our chances of getting pregnant and keeping that pregnancy. We didn't have to have mock cycles, timed cycles, sync-ed cycles, mock transfers, repeated ultrasounds, measurements, injections, medications. We didn't have to have doctors, lab techs, nurses, specialists. We are blessed.
Today Russell and I both had bloodwork (since we are an intimate couple) and gave urine samples. Then I had a trans-vaginal ultrasound and a catheter monitoring, measuring and mapping my cervix and uterus. All went well, so we then took a class on administering hormone injections in my rear end with a GIANT needle and in my tummy with a tiny needle. My husband, who is hugely needle-phobic, will be administering these shots every 3 days when my next cycle starts as a trial run and then every day when it is time for the real deal for 10 weeks. The hormones are to thicken my uterus lining so that the pregnancy will stick. In addition, I will have to have suppositories inserted as close to my cervix as I can get them :) And all of these things are nothing, nothing compared to what the intended parents have gone through over the last decade. I don't care about having to do these things and I don't list them to elicit sympathy, only to serve as a small taste of what a couple dealing with infertility has to do as a matter of course.
Things are going well, really smoothly. Once again, I am blessed. And above all, I am blessed to have had my eyes opened to the heartache and difficulties that so many deal with just to be able to say that they have conceived. Anyone who thinks children aren't a blessing, who takes their procreation abilities for granted-shame on you. And shame on you, our legislators, who so capriciously and maliciously are threatening to take reproductive rights away. Don't be fooled, Virginians, that the Personhood bill is only about abortion, regardless of your stand on it. It would restrict fertility options tremendously. Do your research, know your rights, support those who want, more than anything, the fundamental right to be parents.

Unexpected findings

As part of the medical procedures that I'll start next month, I had to have my annual midwife checkup last week. I've never been bothered by the "girl doctor", so I wasn't really thinking too much of it. I was more concerned with getting all my OB records sent to the fertility clinic. While meeting with the midwife and filling her in on all the surrogacy stuff during my breast exam, I heard words I've never heard before in relation to me: "palpable lump". Took a minute for that to sink in. She didn't seem overly concerned, but given my family history of breast cancer, plus the fact that I wouldn't be able to have a mammogram while pregnant, she referred me to the breast center to be on the safe side. Anyone who knows me knows that my logical side usually kicks in during a situation like this. And it did. For about 30 minutes. Then the following thoughts came in rapid succession: my aunt died at age 33 of breast cancer, my grandmother in her 50's, a friend of mine was just diagnosed at the age of 28. Then the biggest irrational thought of all: I have had many many many years of such an amazing life and blessings: is this karma sneaking up on me at last?
Since my beloved Aunt Rhonda, (nicknamed "Stella" when she was being full of herself) passed away when I was 9, breast cancer has been a big scary monster under the bed for me and all the women in my family. She was the oldest of 4 girls, my mom's big sister, my soulmate in many many ways. We had so much in common, including our birthdays being 2 days apart and we look eerily alike.  Her death was devastating to my family full of strong women. All of us prayed to reach the age of 33 in good health, and thankfully, all of us did. My mom had a couple of scares, and I'll never forget going with her to have an ultrasound, waiting for the verdict. So here I was, in the same position. My world turned upside down.
I didn't tell anyone except Russell and my mom, because I didn't want anyone to worry needlessly and because I don't handle sympathy very well. I had to wait all weekend to schedule my mammogram, and let me tell you, it was a very long weekend. Finally, this morning, I secured an appointment for today. After dropping the kids off at the sitter, I broke down. Russell was already in the middle of his day, as neither of us expected to have an appointment so soon. So I called my bestie Charlene to go with me. Thankfully she was able to come, cause I couldn't have done it without her. That ridiculous sense of humor and the promise of a margarita after, no matter what, really helped.
At the appointment I had a mammogram (my second one ever) that proved inconclusive. Great. Immediately, I thought they were trying to think of the right way to break the bad news. I was thinking of having to leave my kids without a mom, my husband without a wife, my mom without her daughter, the intended parents without their surrogate. Then I went back for an ultrasound with the sweetest tech ever who really made me feel more comfortable than the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy nurse who did the boob squishing. Apparently, there is no lump, just really dense breast tissue. I cried for about the 10th time today. Relief doesn't even begin to describe it.
With a clean bill of health, I'm ready to move on in this process. But more importantly, I have an even greater appreciation for my incredible life. I know it was only a false alarm, but it changed me deeply, fundamentally, forever.